I Ruin Everything

I am a colossal failure.  So says the person who meant the most to me.

I have shut myself off.  Otherwise, I will shut down.

One More for the Road

I’ve also transferred my Microsoft Paint creations from their terrible Weebly/Flickr site to a new home here at WordPress.

Binge and Purge

There’s a Pattern in the System

I’ve decided that I currently don’t feel like writing about me.

In the meantime my new site, Our Hell,  is up and running.  Just one more thing to divert me from being tangibly productive in the world outside of my laptop.

Sometimes, things are so messy, it’s better just to acknowledge the mess and live around it.

That’s Why

The biological purpose for a species’ existence is procreation.  In this sense: the perpetuation of the genetic, instinctual and learned behaviours resulting through the life of said species.

Humans, not being precluded from the natural world (though at times it may not appear as such) share the common goal of procreation.  Our highly developed cognitive abilities allow us to not only procreate biologically but in the other sense of the word as well:  to bring into being.

If human life is experience then we are constantly procreating through our shared experiences.  Relying heavily on empiricism, it can be said that nothing can be known save that which we have ourselves experienced.  All thought and therefore action is based on prior first-hand evidence that influences us.  But nothing is so simple.  I propose that through our shared experiences, by learning through that which others tell us of their first-hand experiences, we are able to base our thought and action on this knowledge as well.  In this way, by sharing our selves and our thoughts relating to our actions and the experiences that have caused these things, we are allowing others to consider and perhaps adapt new perspectives.

“The other person’s behaviour is an experience of mine. My behaviour is an experience of the other.”  Because we are basing our perception of an other’s experience on our own past experience, this is an imperfect means of learning.  But because all learning and experience is imperfect based on this rationale, this form of learning is as beneficial as any other.  Because, in relating their experience, an other is basing their perception of the experience from past events in their own life, this is an imperfect means of learning.  But all learning is such and therefore this is just as productive as any other.  

To experience is to bring into being that which has yet to occur in our self.  To lend to others an experience, by creating it through interaction or through shared perspective, we are bringing into being that which has yet to occur in an other’s self.  Thus, we are in a constant state of procreation.

To put life in to base terms is to reduce it to experience and the actions resulting from our thoughts of experiences,  which become experiences for others.  At this level, the introduction of the notion that the purpose of life is procreation allows us to see how intrinsic these two concepts are.

And so, I need not feel bad that I have no desire to have children.

xo

Sporadic Caloric Intake

I’m hungry.  

I haven’t bought groceries since a week before I left for Montreal.  Suppose I should go do that now.

No, Thank You

I read today that a lack of sleep is being linked to a higher likelihood of emotional irrationality. 

I think this makes good sense.

My new site (still in the works): Binge and Purge

 

Simplicity

“Change your thoughts and change your world.”

The Washrooms at Movie Theatres Are Misplaced

Alright.

I convinced myself to shut up. I overthink everything.  Instead, I have gone out.  I have purchased a drum pad to practice.  Sometimes it is best to ignore your own brain and just act without depth of thought.  I am enjoying myself and have actually left my house.

While I will always believe in the importance of pondering your own existence and thinking of ways to improve, there is something to be said for just acting.  Just existing.  A life of pure thought, to me, excludes a life of experience.  They are not mutually exclusive by any means.  The balance just has to be there.  In their pure, total forms they leave no time for the other.  Reflection occurs after events and if reflection occurs constantly, events are often precluded.  

Bottom line: getting off my ass and out of my brain feels good once in awhile.

Near-Sighted

I took out my old contact lenses and put on my glasses.

Time to see things differently.

The Ratio Is Depressing

Montreal was great.  That’s all I feel like writing about it.

I don’t know if it is exhaustion or the fact that I am secretly pissed off at myself over a generally shitty life but I do not feel so great today.  I sat on my couch reading journal entries I wrote five or seven years ago.  There is nothing quite like reading about what an idiot you were to remind you that underneath the facade, you haven’t changed much at all and are therefore pretty much an idiot.

I realize that all of us are idiots in our own special ways but when you know that the reason you are unhappy with the life you have chosen is a result of your stupidity and laziness, it is all the more difficult to deal with.

The name of this blog refers to the fact that for every six things I know I should do or would like to do, only one gets me off of my ass and gets done.  Typically, it is the easiest thing.

I thought of writing a list of things about myself that are currently bothering me. I started and then realized how long the list was becoming and how unattractively exhaustive I could make it.  How about we just narrow it down to low self-esteem, lack of motivation, lack of willpower and laziness.

But what good does it do to exonerate my feelings on my own worthlessness?  Much better to do something about it.  Instead I will likely wallow in self-pity for the night and wake up tomorrow feeling great.  It is all cyclical.