The Ratio Is Depressing

Montreal was great.  That’s all I feel like writing about it.

I don’t know if it is exhaustion or the fact that I am secretly pissed off at myself over a generally shitty life but I do not feel so great today.  I sat on my couch reading journal entries I wrote five or seven years ago.  There is nothing quite like reading about what an idiot you were to remind you that underneath the facade, you haven’t changed much at all and are therefore pretty much an idiot.

I realize that all of us are idiots in our own special ways but when you know that the reason you are unhappy with the life you have chosen is a result of your stupidity and laziness, it is all the more difficult to deal with.

The name of this blog refers to the fact that for every six things I know I should do or would like to do, only one gets me off of my ass and gets done.  Typically, it is the easiest thing.

I thought of writing a list of things about myself that are currently bothering me. I started and then realized how long the list was becoming and how unattractively exhaustive I could make it.  How about we just narrow it down to low self-esteem, lack of motivation, lack of willpower and laziness.

But what good does it do to exonerate my feelings on my own worthlessness?  Much better to do something about it.  Instead I will likely wallow in self-pity for the night and wake up tomorrow feeling great.  It is all cyclical.